Jack and Debbie had been married for ten years. They didn’t have much money and they were still living in the same apartment they moved in to when they got married. But in spite of that, Jack and Debbie had a marriage which could only be described as blissful…until recently.
About eight months ago, Debbie began to notice a change in Jack. It began innocently enough, Jack had accepted a big project at work and so he began to work longer and longer hours. The looming deadline and stress of the project had caused Jack to seem more distracted and distant toward Debbie - or at least so he said. Soon he began going in to work on the weekends; once a month at first, but soon he was spending every Saturday working. And even though Jack said he was making great strides in his career, Debbie noticed that their money had grown more and more scarce.
Finally, about two weeks before their tenth anniversary, out of concern for their marriage, Debbie managed to sneak Jack’s phone away from him while he wasn’t looking. It didn’t take long for her to discover that Jack had both placed and received calls from someone named “Bobbi” almost daily for at least the past month.
Before she knew what she was doing, Debbie called Bobbi’s number. The phone rang once…twice…and just as Debbie was about to hang up, the voice of a young woman answered the phone, “Hey, Jack. Where are we going tonight?”
…Click…
That was two weeks ago. Tonight was their tenth wedding anniversary and they were eating at the nicest restaurant in town. While waiting for their dinner, Debbie, with despair in her voice said, “I know about Bobbi.”
“You do, Hmmm? Well then, this probably won’t come as much of a surprise.” Jack said, and he slid a very official looking envelope toward his wife.
Standing up so quickly that her chair flew behind her, Janet ripped open the envelope, tore out the contents, and threw them at a surprised Jack yelling, “You want a divorce? You got it!” and she stormed out of the restaurant.
Momentarily stunned, Jack quickly recovered, gathered the real estate contract Debbie had thrown at him and chased after her.
About eight months ago, Jack decided to surprise Debbie with a house for their tenth anniversary. To do so, he began working longer hours and on weekends, secretly stashing money into a savings account, and visiting properties with a realtor, Bobbi. Debbie, not knowing all the facts, filled in the blanks with logic, guesses, and unfortunately her worst fears.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for well over a year now. What with the general economic crisis, layoffs, skyrocketing unemployment, and all, everyone’s on edge and we’re all filling in the blanks with our own guesses and fears. In this sort of environment, we have to communicate with one another more than ever.
Husbands and wives: let your spouse know what’s going on. Let him or her know that things are good or that things are bad. If you don’t say anything, it’s unlikely it will be figured out otherwise (particularly if the person in question is the husband.)
Employers: trust your staff enough to tell them whether they are doing a good job or not, and let them know the real situation of the company. Trust builds loyalty and it’s likely you’ll find them working harder than ever.
Employees: Let your manager know if you’re happy or not and why. It’s very likely they’ll want to work with you to improve things if things are bad, or it may comfort them to know you’re not planning on giving notice.
What more can I say? Parents, children, politicians, friends, we all need to trust one another with openness and the truth a little more. If you don’t fill in the blanks, they will. And they’ll do it with best guesses, hopes, and fears.